Still on Felicity mode....

The More Loving One

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total darkness sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.


W.H. Auden, 1957

The best interests of our children

I have been following the drama of International Parental Child Abduction since I became familiar with the Sean Goldman case back in the fall of 2008. As I have previously mentioned, I was extremely naive and didn't even know if was such a big issue - likely due to the fact that cases are swept under the rug or treated with "secrecy of justice".

Father's day is tomorrow and it's a date Left-Behind Parents know all too painfully well. Especially due to the fact that 75% of the LBPs are men - and, believe me, from what I've seen, the vast majority of these women do not leave the country due to domestic violence.

What about the children? Yes, the children... these innocent creatures that are carried like a suitcase by one of their parents when they decide to do so. They're just pawns in this sick game. They're lied to, alienated, and abused. We're adults, people! Whatever problem we have with our current/former spouses we have to solve without getting the children involved.

As we all know, the instrument to recover children abducted overseas is the Hague Convention on the International Aspects of International Child Abduction. However, not all countries are signatory of the Hague, and others that have signed it "have trouble" enforcing the returns (for the lack of a better word).

That's why Congressman Chris Smith has introduced a bill, HR 1940, The International Child Abduction Prevention and Return Act of 2011, so this country can have legislation with teeth to enforce the returns of children abducted abroad. We have to call our representatives and ask them to co-sponsor the bill, and inquire the reason - if any - why they refuse to do so. Some representatives think the US should not jeopardize international relations with other nations because of "some children". I'm pretty sure if these Congressman had their children abducted, they'd be singing a different tune.

For those who think the problem is not as bad as they think, that parents can take off with children when they please, and feel sorry for the abducting families, please take a look at the following:

- Testimony of a formerly abducted child, posted in the Bring Sean Home Foundation Orkut community on June 16, 2011 (click it to enlarge)

Translation:

When I was 3, my father took me away from my American family when we went to Brazil "on vacation". For 16 years, I did not see my mother, sister, aunts, grandmother and grandfather (he passed away in 2002). My father returned to the US but left me in Brazil with my paternal grandparents (who passed when I was already back on the US).

I'll never forgive my father for doing what he did. I came back to my country (US) nine years ago and I don't want to see him or the rest of his family. I'm very traumatized.

People like Bruna and her family do not understand the severity of what they did. I missed 16 years of my life with my family, and I'll never have those years back. My relationship with my family here is not the greatest since we were deprived of being together for so long.

This Grandmother [Sean Goldman's] doesn't have the right to play victim. She's just paying for what she did.

- Blog of a Left-Behind Aunt. She wants to be a voice out there for her brother Carlos and nephew Sage, who was abducted to Mexico. It also provides a perspective on how child abduction plays a devastating effect in not only the LBP and chid(ren)'s lives, but also on the rest of the family

www.justiceforsagebermudez.blogspot.com



On May 24th, I attended a Congressional Hearing on IPCA. The hearing was over 4 hours long and I couldn't stay for the whole thing. The place was so packed some people got turned away. David Goldman spoke as a former LBP and on behalf of the others with children abroad - 2 panels: Hague Countries and Non-Hague Countries.

After his testimony, David read a letter to SOS Clinton signed by 80+ parents. Before he started reading the letter, he asked that other LBPs in the room to stand up. Half the room was up, men and women holding pictures of their children. I didn't know what to do. I was invaded with shock, sadness, anger, desperation... you name it. How can you look at those faces and not do anything, not feel anything? That image will never leave my head. That's why I'll never stop.

Things put in perspective - the hard way

Six weeks ago a dear friend lost her husband in an unfortunate motorcycle accident. It did put things in perspective for me. A young man, who was gone so soon, and left wife and 2 daughters behind. It's a tough road ahead, but she has the support of her friends and family to go forward.

This past Saturday, 4am, Paris time, another dear friend lost a long, hard-fought battle against cancer. She left her husband, a son and a daughter.

I did not spend a lot of time with her. In fact, I only saw her once. We spent an afternoon together during the last trip I took to Brazil, along with a third friend (my BFF). A lot of chatting, laughter and appetizers to share. She had the most amazing smile. You wouldn't even know she was sick. Her strength and will to fight that horrible disease was huge.

I feel like I owe her so much. She brought a very special group of friends together. If it weren't for her, we wouldn't even know each other. Now there's a hole in my heart. I know she's now pain-free and in a better place. But I feel for her husband and the 2 little ones that will not have their Mom around. It must be so hard, I can't even imagine. I clung to my son and said my prayers. I pray that they find comfort in their memories. I hope the kids can still remember her, and how much they loved them.

This afternoon I made a donation to the American Cancer Society in her memory. It's not much, and it won't help her. But I'm sure it will help someone else.

Rest in peace, Aline. You'll always be missed. <3

Zzzzz

So much to say, and when I get here I draw a blank....

Life is as busy as ever. I wish my days were 36 hours long in order to accomplish all my obligations and still have time to rest.

I hope that's not why I keep getting sick. After 2 bouts of strep throat back-to-back, I hope my illness quota has been filled for the year...

Consumerism

In lieu of the release and record-breaking sales of the iPad2...

This is totally worth watching til the end. Thanks to my friend Simone for finding this.



The iPad2 has been selling like crazy, which means everyone has $600+ laying around the house to blow on it. I'm so happy the US economic crisis is over!

Or is it?

Shell out $600 for a tablet just because it's *cool*. ...Just certainly not my priority.

The iPad is just an illustration here. Consumerism is rampant, and only tends to get worse. There are trillions of products offered to us in the stores and we dash to buy it, just because...

Having a baby? No problem? We have diaper pails with refills, machines that will prepare a bottle for you (just like you'd prepare an espresso!), swings, wiper warmers, etc. What will you actually use? Is it worth it to spend $$$$ on a $150 designer diaper bag that you will carry around for a couple of years? Our diaper bag was a roomy, navy blue Eddie Bauer I got as a baby shower gift, unisex, and can still be used for other purposes (price tag $30). Don't get me started on the $900 strollers. There's certainly quality strollers out there that cost 4 times less.

A few years ago, we invested in an expensive KitchenAid mixer for the kitchen. I had an old hand-held mixer that just wasn't powerful enough to whip all the different frostings I decorate cakes with. I did my research. I found out that while the investment was a bit steep (more or less $200), the appliance would last a lifetime.

The same thing when I had to replace our vacuum cleaner and ended up investing on a Dyson. The price tag on that baby was $400, but I managed to pay $320 with a coupon. And I'll likely never have to spend money on a vacuum cleaner ever again.

*I swear I am not being paid for merchandising here.*

The bottom line is I'm certainly not perfect, but I learned to only buy what I need, and I do my homework before I spend my hard-earned cash. I don't need to replace the car every 2 years. I don't replace my computer every 2 years. Ultimately, everyone spends their money to buy whatever they want. A $600 tablet, a $700 Christian Loboutin pump, a $1,200 Coach handbag. Take your pick. Whatever makes you happy :)

No apologies

I am tired of apologizing for who I am and what I believe.

Life is way too short. I'm not going to spend it apologizing for being me. And I'm not going to change it either.

Sweet 16 x 2

Enough Said!

Some things just stick with you...

My son is now 6 years old and I have become more aware that whatever I say/do, he'll always remember. Okay, I admit I do have memories going back to when I was 2, but they're kind of hazy.

Some of my favorite things of my childhood were the day trips we'd take with my Dad. Cultural stuff. During our school breaks, my father would occasionally take a day off from work and take us on "adventures", like a ferry boat across the bay, day at the zoo, long bike rides on Sundays, and, of course, museums. My Mom was not into museums and such, so we'd have some alone time with Daddy.

I always loved the Museum of Natural History at Quinta da Boa Vista, in Rio. I remember vividly the noise of the floorboards creaking when you walked in. But the most impressive thing was what my Dad said about the exhibits. There was a wax face of a woman, and the nose was missing. It was so gross and terrifying to a perhaps 5yo -can't remember how old I was. Well, I guess the woman suffered from some sort of flesh-eating disease, but my Dad said she was like that because she got a germ from drinking water from the faucet. That was totally ENOUGH for me, I was so deadly afraid I'd never drink water from the faucet (in Brazil the water is not exactly safe to drink as in the US).

I also remember this field trip we took in kindergarten, to this huge firehouse. AMAZING! The firefighters demonstrated so many things, they jumped from buildings, they used a rope to go down a wall, they slid down the poles. Oh, yeah, there was the thick white foam we played with. I remember the white cafeteria, the sandwiches and the little cups of groselha juice (yuck, I hated that, I drank nothing). We had another field trip to the beach, and I deadly afraid of going into the water because the kids found this huge sea urchin, and I didn't want to hurt my feet. Oh well...

Bringing the past back has its price. I had an argument with my Mom yesterday. She can't believe I remember this stuff. My friend's daughter turned 9 - I feel old! - and had a manicure to celebrate her birthday. So I reminded my Mom that I also had my first manicure when I was 9. I grew up around women mostly - 4 aunts and 1 uncle (I'm also the oldest of all my cousins and there was only one boy). So, naturally, I watched everyone getting their nails done - one time my Dad's cousins came over with blue nail polish on and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Anyway, just about every week I was asking my Mom if I could have my nails done. Finally, at the occasion of my cousin's baptism, she finally gave in. As my Mom was doing my nails, my 6-yo sister walks in and demands to have hers done too, which my Mom promptly agrees. What? I waited so long for this, and my sister just gets it with no effort. Just to add insult to injury, my 3yo cousin wanted to copy us so my aunt did hers too. I was devastated.

So I had an argument with my Mom that the oldest kids always suffer, since they have to conquer everything, and the younger ones just "get lucky". She agreed with me, since she's the oldest of 4, and my Dad is also the oldest, so I complained to her that they should have been more responsible, that they should have denied my sister to get her nails done until she was 9.

But life is not fair, what can I do? Everything that took me years to get, my sister just had it handed to her. Except, of course, her driver's license. THAT she had to wait 3 more years to get. Oh yeah, but she can't ride the bus to go to her friend's house and do a group assignment. I'd have to drive her... Oy vey!

"You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are."

I have waited so long for this, and it's finally here!

This afternoon we watched Alice in Wonderland 3D (or rather, "Underland"). I don't know how to put it in words properly...

In a way I was disappointed because the movie wasn't exactly what I expected, and because our seats were on the side of the theatre with a railing in front, which kept reminding me we weren't really in Underland. On the other hand, it was still great and Tim Burton once more showed his greatness as a film maker.

The art direction is just too awesome to describe and I bet Colleen Atwood had a blast designing the costumes. For some reason the red playing card guards kept reminding me of the Star Wars stormtroopers. But that's the geek in me... LOL

How wonderful was it to hear the lovely voices of Stephen Fry and Alan Rickman playing the cat and the caterpillar. Talking about Alan's familiar voice, Hubby exclaimed "it's the guy from Harry Potter" (seriously, I'd expect more from a guy married to a Bachelor in Film).

Johnny Depp is once more delightful as the Madhatter. His character has the most unique accent, crazy laughter, and flows easily between the thin lines of normalcy and madness. On a more detailed note - I saw the folks at Imdb caught that too - one pupil is more dilated than the other, which denotes brain injury.

Helena Bonham-Carter' Queen of Hearts - or rather, Red Queen - stole the show along with the Madhatter. So much that I was pulling for her and the Jabberwocky. The White Queen was just too plain and boring - Yawn! - and the eyebrows rather distracting.

Oh yeah... Unfortunately there was a moron who did not silence his cell so we were subjected to the ringing through a portion of the film. I say OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Breakdown, not Breaking Dawn

I wrote this review for my book club, so I thought I should publish it here as well. BTW, spoilers galore below. If you haven't read the book and will be mad at me for spoiling it, don't read this - although I think I may be doing you a favor, saving your time and $$$$.