The best interests of our children

I have been following the drama of International Parental Child Abduction since I became familiar with the Sean Goldman case back in the fall of 2008. As I have previously mentioned, I was extremely naive and didn't even know if was such a big issue - likely due to the fact that cases are swept under the rug or treated with "secrecy of justice".

Father's day is tomorrow and it's a date Left-Behind Parents know all too painfully well. Especially due to the fact that 75% of the LBPs are men - and, believe me, from what I've seen, the vast majority of these women do not leave the country due to domestic violence.

What about the children? Yes, the children... these innocent creatures that are carried like a suitcase by one of their parents when they decide to do so. They're just pawns in this sick game. They're lied to, alienated, and abused. We're adults, people! Whatever problem we have with our current/former spouses we have to solve without getting the children involved.

As we all know, the instrument to recover children abducted overseas is the Hague Convention on the International Aspects of International Child Abduction. However, not all countries are signatory of the Hague, and others that have signed it "have trouble" enforcing the returns (for the lack of a better word).

That's why Congressman Chris Smith has introduced a bill, HR 1940, The International Child Abduction Prevention and Return Act of 2011, so this country can have legislation with teeth to enforce the returns of children abducted abroad. We have to call our representatives and ask them to co-sponsor the bill, and inquire the reason - if any - why they refuse to do so. Some representatives think the US should not jeopardize international relations with other nations because of "some children". I'm pretty sure if these Congressman had their children abducted, they'd be singing a different tune.

For those who think the problem is not as bad as they think, that parents can take off with children when they please, and feel sorry for the abducting families, please take a look at the following:

- Testimony of a formerly abducted child, posted in the Bring Sean Home Foundation Orkut community on June 16, 2011 (click it to enlarge)

Translation:

When I was 3, my father took me away from my American family when we went to Brazil "on vacation". For 16 years, I did not see my mother, sister, aunts, grandmother and grandfather (he passed away in 2002). My father returned to the US but left me in Brazil with my paternal grandparents (who passed when I was already back on the US).

I'll never forgive my father for doing what he did. I came back to my country (US) nine years ago and I don't want to see him or the rest of his family. I'm very traumatized.

People like Bruna and her family do not understand the severity of what they did. I missed 16 years of my life with my family, and I'll never have those years back. My relationship with my family here is not the greatest since we were deprived of being together for so long.

This Grandmother [Sean Goldman's] doesn't have the right to play victim. She's just paying for what she did.

- Blog of a Left-Behind Aunt. She wants to be a voice out there for her brother Carlos and nephew Sage, who was abducted to Mexico. It also provides a perspective on how child abduction plays a devastating effect in not only the LBP and chid(ren)'s lives, but also on the rest of the family

www.justiceforsagebermudez.blogspot.com



On May 24th, I attended a Congressional Hearing on IPCA. The hearing was over 4 hours long and I couldn't stay for the whole thing. The place was so packed some people got turned away. David Goldman spoke as a former LBP and on behalf of the others with children abroad - 2 panels: Hague Countries and Non-Hague Countries.

After his testimony, David read a letter to SOS Clinton signed by 80+ parents. Before he started reading the letter, he asked that other LBPs in the room to stand up. Half the room was up, men and women holding pictures of their children. I didn't know what to do. I was invaded with shock, sadness, anger, desperation... you name it. How can you look at those faces and not do anything, not feel anything? That image will never leave my head. That's why I'll never stop.

Some things just stick with you...

My son is now 6 years old and I have become more aware that whatever I say/do, he'll always remember. Okay, I admit I do have memories going back to when I was 2, but they're kind of hazy.

Some of my favorite things of my childhood were the day trips we'd take with my Dad. Cultural stuff. During our school breaks, my father would occasionally take a day off from work and take us on "adventures", like a ferry boat across the bay, day at the zoo, long bike rides on Sundays, and, of course, museums. My Mom was not into museums and such, so we'd have some alone time with Daddy.

I always loved the Museum of Natural History at Quinta da Boa Vista, in Rio. I remember vividly the noise of the floorboards creaking when you walked in. But the most impressive thing was what my Dad said about the exhibits. There was a wax face of a woman, and the nose was missing. It was so gross and terrifying to a perhaps 5yo -can't remember how old I was. Well, I guess the woman suffered from some sort of flesh-eating disease, but my Dad said she was like that because she got a germ from drinking water from the faucet. That was totally ENOUGH for me, I was so deadly afraid I'd never drink water from the faucet (in Brazil the water is not exactly safe to drink as in the US).

I also remember this field trip we took in kindergarten, to this huge firehouse. AMAZING! The firefighters demonstrated so many things, they jumped from buildings, they used a rope to go down a wall, they slid down the poles. Oh, yeah, there was the thick white foam we played with. I remember the white cafeteria, the sandwiches and the little cups of groselha juice (yuck, I hated that, I drank nothing). We had another field trip to the beach, and I deadly afraid of going into the water because the kids found this huge sea urchin, and I didn't want to hurt my feet. Oh well...

Bringing the past back has its price. I had an argument with my Mom yesterday. She can't believe I remember this stuff. My friend's daughter turned 9 - I feel old! - and had a manicure to celebrate her birthday. So I reminded my Mom that I also had my first manicure when I was 9. I grew up around women mostly - 4 aunts and 1 uncle (I'm also the oldest of all my cousins and there was only one boy). So, naturally, I watched everyone getting their nails done - one time my Dad's cousins came over with blue nail polish on and I thought it was the greatest thing ever. Anyway, just about every week I was asking my Mom if I could have my nails done. Finally, at the occasion of my cousin's baptism, she finally gave in. As my Mom was doing my nails, my 6-yo sister walks in and demands to have hers done too, which my Mom promptly agrees. What? I waited so long for this, and my sister just gets it with no effort. Just to add insult to injury, my 3yo cousin wanted to copy us so my aunt did hers too. I was devastated.

So I had an argument with my Mom that the oldest kids always suffer, since they have to conquer everything, and the younger ones just "get lucky". She agreed with me, since she's the oldest of 4, and my Dad is also the oldest, so I complained to her that they should have been more responsible, that they should have denied my sister to get her nails done until she was 9.

But life is not fair, what can I do? Everything that took me years to get, my sister just had it handed to her. Except, of course, her driver's license. THAT she had to wait 3 more years to get. Oh yeah, but she can't ride the bus to go to her friend's house and do a group assignment. I'd have to drive her... Oy vey!

Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

Great! My son has learned to lie - really well, may I add. So well, he duped his father into believing it.

He told his father I had allowed him to take my Nintendo DS to before/after care school. I was never asked anything. My husband, knowing the elementary school wouldn't allow video games on the premises, left the device on the daycare cubby. What a genius idea, no?

Little guy is very sneaky. He knows that, at home, he has to ask every time he wants to get his hands on it.

When I arrived to pick him up, I found the DS and was furious. I picked it up and immediately noticed the game cartridge was missing. Of course, he didn't take a regular game cartridge, it had to be the R4 with all my games in it. There were games in there it took me weeks of practice to get where I was and I bet it's all lost now.

When I picked up the console, I noticed the label with my name on had been wiped clean, as if someone had tried to take it off. But I can't bluntly accuse anyone of stealing it, so I have to be polite and just ask if everyone happened to see if it *fell* somewhere (virtually impossible, since you have to push the game inward in order to come out).

Long story short, T has been grounded for 2 months without video games or TV. I just hung up on my mother, who said this is exaggerated, he's only 6, bla bla bla. Riiight....

And the husband was grounded too...

My Christmas Gift

WHEELS ARE FINALLY UP!

Congratulations Sean & David Goldman! Father and son, reunited, spending Christmas at the Happiest Place on Earth. What else could I wish for?

Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say

UPDATE: Grandpa passed on Saturday, Jan 24, 9:25am Brasilia time. Thanks for all the prayers and support. I'm hanging in there.

My Mom called me today to tell me the doctors said there's nothing they can do for my Grandfather. He had been in the hospital since Dec 25th. I think he was misdiagnosed before being admitted, and had infection after infection since then.

The last time I spoke to him was on the 24th, and it felt like he was saying goodbye, you know?

So maybe by the time I type this, or by the time you read this, he'll be gone.

My consolation is that he lived nearly 86 years. He was a hard-working man, raised 3 daughters and a son, loved 4 granddaughters and a great-grandson. He'll be dearly missed. More than my Grandpa, and my Godfather, he was a great friend.




I can't think of nothing else to say, so I'll just leave this really sad song that I love:

One Sweet Day

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be togetherOne sweet day

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you're shining down on me from Heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day

Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

Feliz Natal!

Merry Christmas to you and all your family!

I didn't have a chance to compose a nice message, so I'll leave you with a few photos and one of my favorite Christmas songs. Just cause I know you love Peanuts too (who doesn't?)

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...

Rena, I didn't have a chance to try your cookie batter recipe this time. But I certainly will in the near future.

Grandma @ The Improv

My Grandpa and my Uncle went to pick up a new mattress for my grandparents bed.

When they get home, my Grandma turns to them and say:
- What's the use of having a new mattress when I still have an old husband?

The entire room erupts in laughter, including my Grandpa.
---------------------

Come on, someone give the lady a job!!!

Happy 5th Birthday!

Today my little T turns 5!!!!

He was born on Tuesday, November 25th, 2003, 8:17 am, 9 lbs 3.2 oz (4,170kg) and 21 1/2 inches (55 cm). Yes, it was a c-section :P

I can't believe how big he has gotten. He's not my baby anymore, by the time he's 6 he'll be as tall as his Mommy!

I have a ton of photos. It was really hard to narrow it down, but here's a bit of his life in images (please click to enlarge).



First Photo!















He was even shifting gears. That's my boy!!!!

A bit of hope

I have been avoiding my Grandma's subject for a while. Yes, I know, I am in denial, just not trying to suffer.

During my last visit to Brazil, I found my Grandmother bedridden and not moving much. She had had 2 seizures a month before (triggered by blood pressure spikes). Those were scary times, but nobody prepared me to see her like that. It was quite a shock to me. But I put on a brave face and pretended everything was okay.

She was not doing well at all. She had always been the happiest person ever, always in a good mood, cracking jokes. But she was just there, lying quietly. Every time someone tried to move her, or sit her up, her blood pressure would spike again.

The day we left, I wept silently in the car, thinking that was the last time I was ever going to see my Grandma alive.

Today, out of the blue, my aunt called my Mom (who's here) and said Grandma wanted to speak to her. Plus she said Grandma had been standing in the bedroom today, with the help of the physical therapist, and even attempted a couple of steps. In which Grandma yells in the background: "that's a lie!" and everybody starts to laugh (my Grandma is the queen of deadpan humor, she would give Steve Carrell a run for his money).

Mom said she hates when people tell on her, especially if she's making progress. She doesn't think that's considered walking, since she didn't go anywhere, like the bakery or the grocery store.

So, in a nutshell, I'm happy! I feel good, and hope I can see my Grandma once again.

Wedding Photos - Rena's challenge

Rena posted her wedding photo and is inviting everyone to go ahead and post theirs.

We got married @ the courthouse on 06/22/2001. Nearly a year later we had our church wedding in Rio, on 03/23/2002.

Note that my husband is one foot taller than I am. I am wearing platform shoes so I don't look too short. Seriously, he can rest his head on top of mine and laugh at how short I am compared to him. Easy to say that when you were 6 feet tall by the time you were 12!!!!!

I found these two photos of us leaving the church (I'm at work and don't have all my photos with me now). I may post more photos later.

8 years ago...

...Hubby and I had our first date. Time does fly, and life does change.

- Are you taking me to lunch today?
(insert question mark face here)

(After a long, long, long metro ride, he replies)
- Wanna go to Madhatter's today? If you do, I'll skip breakfast.
- Sure. What day is today?
- October 1st.
- Yeah, but...
- First wedding?
- No.
- Second wedding?
- No.
- Day I proposed?
- No.
- Day we moved into our new house?
- No.
- First date?
- Yeah.
- Ah, you had a Flamenco parade, then we had our first date... Bethesda!
- And the restaurant we went to is now a big real estate office.
- It's unfortunate...

Just like Nelly Furtado...

...I am Portuguese-descent. I have a hint of French in there too. And I often say that my very wavy/curly hair is from the Moor invasion of the Iberian Peninsula :)

Both sides of my family come from different regions of the country and also Madeira Island. But I'll explain this on a different post.

I wanted to comment that Portuguese people are extremely precise on the use of their language, and that can sometimes cause confusion. Not mentioning a few good laughs.

The excerpts I have posted below are true stories that my family has experienced while visiting Portugal in separate occasions. If you don't have the patience to read them all, that's okay. :P

***We're lost and asking for directions
- Excuse me, sir? can you please tell me if this road will take me to *city name*?
- No, it won't.
- Oh, I see. Can you please tell me how can I get to Interstate *road number*?
- It's this one.
- But you just said this road will not take me to *city*.
- The road doesn't take you anywhere. The car does.

***We've arrived in Lisbon and get a ride with a friend to find the Avis rental car location. We're told the location is on the right side of the trains station. We get to the train station, go around the block and there is no Avis there. Luckily, we find another Avis in downtown Lisbon.
- Good morning. We had a reservation at the Avis by the train station but we couldn't find it. Can we get our reservation here?
- Certainly, but what do you mean you couldn't find it?
- We were told it was on the right side of the station. We went around the block several times and couldn't find it.
- But it was on the right side. You walk into the station, and the Avis counter is on the right side.

***Walking and trying to get to the street where my grandfather used to live.
- Excuse me, sir. Can you please tell me what do I do to find *street name*?
- Certainly? You walk up this road here. You will come across an intersection. Don't mind this road. Now, keep going further. You will come across an intersection. Do not mind this road. Keep going a bit further. You will find an intersection. That's the street you're looking for.

***We get to a shopping mall around 3pm, starving, and try to sit down at a restaurant for a meal.
- I'm sorry, sir. But now we're closed right now. It's OUR lunchtime.
And to McDonald's we went...

A little bit of pink in my life...

My mom brought over my 10-year old goddaughter for a 9-day visit. We were supposed to all go to WDW last year but she caught a bad stomach flu and we had to cancel her flights. This year she made it here instead and I took a week off from work to see to her.

Poor girl had a rough time in the airplane (her first time). She threw up... a few times... She has a major issue with motion sickness. My aunt (her Mom) called every time. I mean, like, 3-4 times a day. The phone bill is going to be huge...

It was practically the first time I spent quality time with her. She was about 18 months old when I moved to the US, and all other times I went home to visit we had limited time together since she was always busy with school. It was a nice change, a bit of pink in my life, since I live in boyzone with hubby and little T. She's a girly girl, very much into HSM/Hannah Montana, always dressing up to go out: perfume, earring and hairpiece. Plus she's a ballerina. She had had her first communion earlier this year and was all excited to attend mass in English.

The week was busy. We went to a baptism, followed by lunch at the parent's house. We went shopping at the outlet mall (we're girls, after all). We went to the White House, the National Zoo, the National Aquarium, Build-A-Bear workshop, water park, putt-putt, fed the ducks, saw a movie. You name it, we did it. It was a busy week. Plus on Saturday I dragged the poor girl on a metro-and-on-foot tour of DC. We were our pedometers. We walked 10 miles on that day. We were exhausted. But we were happy.

They're leaving today. Last night she laid on my lap and had a good cry. She said she didn't want to go back home. She wanted to stay here, that the trip was way too short. So I tried to cheer her up and we made some chocolate lollipops together. Oh, yeah, I had baked her a Hannah Montana guitar cake when she arrived.


LOL moments of the trip:

- I walked her to the FBI building. She was curious cause we had watched one episode of the X Files and her late daddy loved it. So, we get to the front of the building. She poses for photos and then turns to me and asks "so, where's the entrance?". I wish it were just like that!

- I drove her to the National Cathedral. So I go park the car in the garage and it says "4 bucks an hour". I was not pleased, I admit, but we went in. So we get to the Cathedral and it's closed. I look at the timetable and it said "closes at 4pm". Ok, so 4 bucks were wasted... but we take a few photos and then I go back to the parking garage to pay for my ticket. The machine says "6 bucks". I was so upset. So I march my way to the security dude, then I glance at the table of prices and ALL the way down it says "saturdays: 6 bucks". So, I go back and pay for the fare, thinking 'the church is stealing me money' (think Mr. Krabs)... I put in a 20-dollar bill and the machine gives me change in 14 one-dollar coins. I deserve it...

- we had signed up for a White House tour. Big bureocracy, I had to go through my congressman months in advance, submit SSN for a background check, the whole nine yards. Read through security procedures, you could basically bring your ID and an umbrella. Hubby thought it was the best thing in the world. So we get there, they hand us a couple of maps, tell us it's a self guided tour and that's that. We saw, like, 3 rooms, and had to leave. We were just staring at each other going "huh, they call this a tour?". Oh yeah, we passed by a china cabinet. My goddaughter points to a bowl, turns to me and says "look, grandma has one just like that!". I tried not to laugh to loud cause it's the WH, you know? Well, there was a family having a guided tour right before us, so I kinda tagged along at one point. So I start translating the stuff back to the girl, how the red room has fabric on the walls, and she goes like "oooooooooh, can I touch it?". "Yeah, if you want us to go to jail...".


Saving the best for last:


- we went to see Wall-E (which deserves a separate post by itself). There were 4 of us (me, kiddos & my Mom), so we purchased 2 combos (large coke + large popcorn) to share. Of course the food cost and arm and a leg, so since they refill the large sodas I figured I might as well take the refills home. So, we get to the car and I tell my Mom they should carry those in the back seat. My Mom says that's what the cup holder is for. True, but we're talking about 2 large sodas (32 oz? I'm still in the metric system, ok?). The cup holder in my car has 2 "mobile hands that grab the drink" . You know what's coming, right? So I'm driving, no potholes, no speed bumps, no problem at all, nothing. Then all of a sudden of the sodas collapses! Right in the middle of the car, it makes a little pool underneath where the hand breaks are. The rest flows into a river through the carpet, all the way to the back. I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to crash the car. Oh, yeah, did I mention it was also pouring? And I was driving a stick! One had on the wheel, another one on the soda. Thankfully I was able to pass the soda to my Mom when I stopped at the red light and the it made home safely.

It was fun! While it lasted...

I'd like to buy a vowel, please!

My little T is addicted to Wheel of Fortune. First he surfs through the kiddie channels, but usually at 7pm there is nothing he likes. So he turns to ABC to watch Wheel of Fortune.

He makes me sit down next to him and I have to guess all the words. If the contestant answers before I do, he yells at me LOL.

It's really cute he starts putting together the words. "Mommy, that word is CAR! C-A-R!". Adorable! He hasn't even started Pre-K. Oh, yeah, he was supposed to start Kindergarten in September, but they changed the admission birth dates and won't even test him (but it's subject for another post).

Funny thing, is yesterday the lady got almost all the letters in. It was a prize puzzle, and the board said "DANCING IN THE _AND". She answered "Dancing in the Land", which was wrong. The answer, of course, was "dancing in the Sand", and the other contestant answered. Then Sajak turned to her and asked: "it's a prize puzzle, where do you think you're going?" and I yelled "Australia!". LOL. Nah, the thing is they were sending her to the beach in the Caribbean.

But all I could think was "we're gonna clap 3 times in the sunshine". LOL!

You know you're a parent when...

...you go to McDonald's and order the Happy Meal so your kid can have the toy.

Life & Death

Five minutes after I published the last post, my mother called. She said my grandmother had had a stroke and 2 seizures. She was in the ICU, sedated and intubated.

I felt so silly. Here I was, talking about birthday party planning and my grandmother is between life & death. I was a wreck for the rest of the day, and still had to function at work and also take care of my son.

Later that night, my mom called to say there was a 180 degree change. Granny was sitting up, lucid, talking to everyone. The stroke was mild, she can move everything. She even complained about not having her hairbrush handy, and reminded them 2-3 times to bring it on the next visit. That's my grandma!!!